brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
