well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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