We named our party play list daddy issues
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
