You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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