cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
