I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
