well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
