Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
