i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
