I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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