Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
