She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
