so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
