a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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