What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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