The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
