I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
