I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
