Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
