i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
