3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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