i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
