Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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