I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
