I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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