that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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