official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
