Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
