he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize