if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
