I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
