Your mouth is God's brothel.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
