i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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