Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They took my balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So vagazzling was a success
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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