think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law