i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.