I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?