Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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(651): By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hsj3

Replies (14) Good night (922) Bad night (1891)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Crying babies in a bar. Really?

(708): View more from Illinois

And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.

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(708): Crying babies in a bar. Really? (708): And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden. http://tfl.nu/e52e

Replies (10) Good night (641) Bad night (2526)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

I believe so, yes.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?

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(479): I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing? (1-479): I believe so, yes. (479): Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you? http://tfl.nu/chrd

Replies (46) Good night (2500) Bad night (949)
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(646): View more from New York

he just put it in my mouth and said "go"

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(646): he just put it in my mouth and said "go" http://tfl.nu/nvzb

Replies (64) Good night (2672) Bad night (5348)
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(480): View more from Arizona

FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!

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(480): FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her! http://tfl.nu/hjc1

Replies (27) Good night (2782) Bad night (1562)
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(773): View more from Illinois

When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger

(708): View more from Illinois

You are the reason we need health care reform

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(773): When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger (708): You are the reason we need health care reform http://tfl.nu/m8x5

Replies (55) Good night (3080) Bad night (1164)
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(850): View more from Florida

I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room

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(850): I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room http://tfl.nu/xiwe

Replies (15) Good night (1465) Bad night (4278)
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(954): View more from Florida

Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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(954): Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers. http://tfl.nu/re05

Replies (3) Good night (3752) Bad night (946)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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(814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh

Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (4172)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass

(240): View more from Maryland

He should have died. Natural selection.

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(301): Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass (240): He should have died. Natural selection. http://tfl.nu/8itz

Replies (13) Good night (2791) Bad night (923)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.

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(902): I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged. http://tfl.nu/u3dy

Replies (5) Good night (1006) Bad night (546)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.

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(+44): no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day. http://tfl.nu/lzsp

Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (474)
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(540): View more from Virginia

the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions

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(540): the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions http://tfl.nu/22up

Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (445)
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(512): View more from Texas

So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.

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(512): So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0h6g

Replies (4) Good night (972) Bad night (306)
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(847): View more from Illinois

this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so

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(847): this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so http://tfl.nu/o2zv

Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (473)

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