Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?