i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...