No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone