Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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  (714): my room smells like sperm. sweet. http://tfl.nu/th94
  Replies (14) Good night (938) Bad night (2530)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

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  (408): Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people http://tfl.nu/thju
  Replies (12) Good night (4171) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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  (925): Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend. http://tfl.nu/f39g
  Replies (35) Good night (3570) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life

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  (406): I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life http://tfl.nu/9zyl
  Replies (10) Good night (6228) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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  (713): So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me http://tfl.nu/r4q8
  Replies (12) Good night (1062) Bad night (6956)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.

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  (260): I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box. http://tfl.nu/twf4
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (2335)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."

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  (603): U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite." http://tfl.nu/bn94
  Replies (6) Good night (3688) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?

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  (616): A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus? http://tfl.nu/o777
  Replies (13) Good night (6304) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.

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  (651): Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me. http://tfl.nu/26ae
  Replies (7) Good night (3320) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...

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  (717): And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv... http://tfl.nu/8bd5
  Replies (12) Good night (790) Bad night (1669)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched

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  (925): I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched http://tfl.nu/8lpn
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.

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  (727): There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW. http://tfl.nu/nqj8
  Replies (6) Good night (702) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.

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  (303): I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night. http://tfl.nu/4kzv
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.

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  (540): I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober. http://tfl.nu/w9j5
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (184)

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