some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
