She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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