I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
