Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
