Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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