you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
