She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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