TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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