Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
