You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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