I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize