Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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