We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
