she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
