we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
