if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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