respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i think i just lost a toe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
