What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
