if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
