Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
