How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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