remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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