I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize