I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
