And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
