Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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