I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
