No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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