Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
