Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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