Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
