so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
