This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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