i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
