If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
