this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
