were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
