you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
