he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
