My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bring me that man meat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
