she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
