you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
