Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
