final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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