I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
