I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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