Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
